Tying the Gordian marriage knot in Cyprus, rather than Israel

Increasing numbers of couples have grown frustrated with the rabbinate's strict obstacle course for marriage • Some sail to Cyprus on a "wedding cruise" for a quick and relatively cheap ceremony • For now, they are still not recognized by the rabbinate.

צילום: Alexander Katz // Dozens of newly married couples after a mass wedding in Cyprus recently ,
צילום: Alexander Katz // Dozens of newly married couples after a mass wedding in Cyprus recently

Eighty Israeli couples stand in line on a beach, waiting for the master of ceremonies to call their names. "Katz, Goldman, Fidelman, Klein, Levin," he reads from his list, and with a ceremonial flourish, hands each of them their marriage certificate.

 

The names are certainly Jewish-sounding, but this ceremony takes place very far from any rabbinate in Israel. These 80 couples have traveled to Cyprus to exercise one of humanity's basic rights, the right to marry, some of them by choice but most because of a lack of choice, They are married in a civil ceremony by representatives of the city on the beach in Larnaca, after arriving on a designated "wedding cruise."

 

While the number of divorces in Israel is on the rise and the number of couples who wish to marry is in decline, the State of Israel is preventing many people from marrying at home. Some couples opt to forgo official state recognition and hold informal, non-legally binding ceremonies in Israel, and some opt to marry formally abroad.

 

"I'm someone who likes doing things by the book," says Eran Shochat, an Israeli citizen and a civilian employee of the Israel Defense Forces. "At first we wanted to get married through the rabbinate. We filed papers and booked an event hall. But then the rabbinate began making unreasonable demands. So we decided to hire a Reform rabbi to marry us and host an event [which has no legal status in Israel], and now we're here, to get officially married."

 

Dana, Eran's wife, came to Israel from the former Soviet Union along with her parents. The documents attesting to her Jewish heritage did not satisfy the rabbinate, and the couple decided to travel to Cyprus to be married.

 

"When we started planning the wedding, we took into account the possibility that it could be delayed by a maximum of six months. I was ready to face a long process, but I wasn't expecting this. The state puts couples who wish to marry through seven circles of hell. We felt that they were purposely making things difficult for us. They wanted an original copy of a document that we only have a copy of, and I couldn't find the original in my house," Eran recounts.

 

"My parents suffered anti-Semitic persecution in the Soviet Union, but here [in Israel] I found a home," says Dana. "I was asked to prove something that is self-evident. It was very frustrating."

 

A lucrative business

 

Nathan Ortzky has been organizing marriages overseas for more than 20 years. Three years ago he thought up the idea of holding mass ceremonies, mainly to address a number of points: first, he explains, it "makes things festive."

 

"Not every couple who travels to Prague, Greece or Cyprus can afford to invite friends and family. In most cases, these are very small affairs, and for many it is very quiet and modest. The presence of a lot of other couples, together with the cruise aspect, allows them to experience the ceremony together with a lot of people who feel the same way they do."

 

"Second," he continues, "there is the financial consideration, the desire to save money. Many couples cannot afford the cost of producing a wedding ceremony outside a city hall building, officiated by a mayor or a senior city official, with the cost of all the local vendors -- makeup artists, hair stylists, photographers. A wedding cruise lets them get all those things at a relatively low cost."

 

Ortzky vehemently rejects claims that he is capitalizing on other people's problems. "As a proud Israeli citizen, I would love it if everyone could marry freely in my country. I would be more than happy to hold these ceremonies in Israel -- mass events or individual ones. But you can't press pause on love. Until the state decides whatever it decides, people are continuing to fall in love and settle down, and they need immediate solutions."

 

Alona Veronchov, 28, and Michael Wilkisky, 39, have also grown frustrated while waiting for the rabbinate to approve their marriage. The couple, both immigrants from the former Soviet Union, have all the necessary documents proving that they are 100 percent kosher Jews, but, according to their account, any time a Russian-speaking couple files a request, the rabbinate tends to investigate the petitioners in an exaggerated manner.

 

"We decided to get married here so that we wouldn't have to wait too long," says Michael. "But we still had to invest about six months in the process. It is entirely unclear to me why Jewish couples can't get married any way they choose. A person who is a citizen of Israel, a Jew, and a taxpayer, should have the basic right to get married."

 

Dr. Ayelet Blecher-Prigat, an expert in family law at the Shaarei Mishpat Law College, explains: "In the State of Israel, there is no such thing as civil marriage, only religious marriage. Therefore, many couples cannot marry in Israel: members of various other faiths, individuals without any religion, and members of ethnic groups that aren't recognized in Israel, among other instances.

 

"Another problem in this context is that of Jewish couples who don't want to marry in a religious ceremony, as it infringes on their religious freedom. Of course the marriage can take place in any [foreign] country, but Cyprus is close so the whole marriage process has turned into a veritable business there. For the couples, it has become relatively more convenient than in other countries.

 

"Another solution is that, today, couples can live together without marrying, as common law spouses, and in legal terms their rights are rather similar [to those of married couples]."

 

According to Prigat, something couples should know is that those "who are able to marry in Israel but choose not to just to distance themselves from the rabbinate, will have no choice but to deal with the rabbinate if they decide to divorce. Another important point is the state's recognition of civil marriages conducted in Cyprus. Already there are couples who marry in Cyprus and register as married in Israel, but only receive common-law status. The courts still haven't recognized these as marriages in an absolute manner, but it is definitely the trend."

 

'The rabbis make a lot of money'

 

The oldest groom among the 80 couples aboard the wedding cruise turned 80 this year. Shmuel Carmi, who spent his entire working life on the police force, was widowed four years ago. He then met Ludmilla, a 57-year-old widow, when she came from the Ukraine to visit a friend in Israel. Shmuel and Ludmilla fell in love, and she moved to Israel permanently.

 

The two quickly realized that unless they married, Ludmila would not be allowed to remain in the country. And so, after a two-year relationship, they found themselves donning their wedding attire and marrying aboard a ship.

 

"I don't think that a man and woman of our ages need to get married again, but any other type of relationship isn't recognized as such in Israel," says Shmuel. "The rabbis' job is to marry people and to divorce them. They make a lot of money doing it."

 

Reporters from many publications worldwide came to document the mass ceremony, including Jibka, a reporter from Bulgaria.

 

"I came here because I heard about this moving ceremony," he said. "I thought it was a romantic gesture, but I learned that these were couples who could not get married in Israel. I know that Israel is a democratic country, so it seems really strange to me that not everyone has the option of getting married there. After all, it is a basic right afforded to all human beings."

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